15 | CANOSSA | SENIOR
Nicole Balabag.
You know my name, not my story. And please, don't get it twisted. I may be nice, but i'm still one of the baddest bitches around. I'm nice, if you're nice. But if you say any sht about me behind my back, well.. Be careful bitch, plastic melts :>

Back to December ♥ My first try recording this. :) FAIL ata? It’s for you to judge. ;)

Posted
1 year ago
And because I got bored.

And because I got bored.

Posted
1 year ago

Confused but happy

I want to share a crazy story to you guys. 

It’s my LOVELIFE.


My first true love :)

So I’ve had past relationships before this one particular guy. I do not consider them as true love or real love, for this relationships happened when I was still in gradeschool. This kind of love is just you know, “Puppy Love”. But when I met this guy. I know it was real. :”>

I first met him formally, (let’s call him E) I think when we were at a competition (swimming) It was the provincial meet. But that time, I was in love with someone else. Or should I say, i was in a puppy love. We talked, but when needed only. Then after few months, i ended my relationship with that guy and suddenly, He and I got close. We texted each other, called each other. And we cared for each other.And then suddenly I fell for him. And then he told me, he liked me. And then I had no choice and told him I liked him too. But we weren’t girlfriend, boyfriend. We were in this kind of relationship where you’re special friends that understands each other and cares. What you call “MU" or mutual understanding. He said he loves me, I said I love him too. Then our relationship stayed that way. We were sweet. Sometimes quarrel, but only because of simple things. I fell for him, and I fell really hard. That then, I knew that it was him. Even if we weren’t yet at the right then, buy that time I know I found the one. We lasted for a long time and then one day, he became cold to me. He was never sweet to me, well he’s sweet but not always like before. And then my bestfriend told me she likes a guy.She told me that the guy likes her too. And that they love each other and they’ve been together for a few months already. And then she told me, it was my guy. My mistake was I never told my bestfriend the relationship i have with my guy. <////3 It turned out that he was two timing. My heart crashed and broke into pieces. I was dumbfounded. I didn’t know what to do. And with that, I did not text him anymore. And he did the same way. We were strangers. Strangers with memories. And I really can’t move on. </3

I heard stuffs that he likes some girl na at his school. And he’s been the school’s “Chic Boy.” And I still feel the pain. I wanted him back. Super! And then, it’s been a year since that heart breaking day. And I survived. I find myself saying “Can I still love you from afar?” I was really heart broken. Imagine, I already had plans for us. And then it came to waste. Am I not worth his love? I tried to move on. Focus with my studies and swimming career. Tried to ignore him which was not successful. That moment when you will pass by him and you won’t look, but when you already passed, you’ll look at him. But his back is the only thing you can see. I survived a year with that.

Then one day, I don’t know. I started chatting with this old friend. (M) We were not that close. And then as days passed by, we became really close. Every day, we talk through chat. He didn’t have cellphone because he said it was expensive and we can just talk through chat. And when I’m not online, he leaves an offline msgs. And I did the same. Then I fell for him. We never told each other how we feel, but I know, we know within ourselves, we can feel that we love each other. And I was right. Our relationship grew into something more. It was more than “MU” but we were never official. He said that he would like to have a girlfriend after highschool, and same goes with me. We loved each other so much. That we always had a monthsary even if we were never really official. It lasted for days, weeks, months. And then a guy from my past came again. The one who I thought was the one.

We became close again. I don’t know how that happened. And suddenly my feelings for him came back. All of it! And all the pain came back. And……… I want him back again. We were so close that our parents became close too. And then my coach found out the relationship I had with M. And told it to my parents. What a bitch. -.- And my parents told me to end it, or i’ll lose everything. Then I cried and felt the same pain I had when E and I ended. I told M that we should end it. And he said, he’ll wait for me. I believed in him. And he still hold on. But me, I gave up our love and he’s still fighting. And my feelings for E won. It came back and my feelings for M suddenly fades. Then I can’t help it. The pain I felt inside. I told E that I still love him…… And then……….. He loves someone else. My friend. I respected it. So I let him go again.

And then M, I can see him get hurt and struggle and I told him… “Don’t wait for me.” He asked why…. I never did told him that my parents wants me to end this and they’re the reason why. Because I know if I said that, he’ll tell me that he’ll fight for me. And I couldn’t think of anything else, any reason. And then I lied to him. And I said “I still love E. When we were still together, he’s all I can think about.” And with that it ended. Officially. I know it hurt him so much, but he’ll get hurt more if he still held on and wait for me. It was one of the biggest mistake in my life. Letting an almost perfect guy go. It was another heart breaking day. :( </3 

PART 1

Posted
1 year ago
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